I Love Him, but He Doesn’t Love Me

Love. Its a very scary and amazing thing. Some may say that its the best feeling in the world, while others may say it is the worst. To some, everything about it is exhausting – searching for it, finding it, and maintaining it.

It seems like when we find love, everything is magically going to be on the up-and-up: our hair will have a little more volume, our smile will be a little brighter, our skin will glow a little more and life will seem just a little sweeter. The fantasy is real. I know it and you know it.

However, and unfortunately, every experience is not the same. Some of us feel the exact opposite. Being in love or loving someone else seems tiring, hard and uncalled for. Usually, when we are blatantly aware that the person we are head-over-heels about does NOT love us back.

I am speaking from experience when I say that it is incredibly hard to be in love when your significant other does not love you back. Now, it is possible that he/she does love you, but just hasn’t said it. And there are so many reasons why this could be true – past heart break, lack of affection growing up or even fear of rejection.

The question is – What do you do when we love him, but he doesn’t love you? Do you keep loving him despite his feelings, or lack thereof? Do you keep quiet about your feelings from fear of pushing him away? Do you literally ask him when in the world is he going to come around and love you back? I mean really, we need to know, like now.

Here are 5 suggestions about what to do and how to cope with un-returned love that I’ve collected from women who can relate. Hopefully they can help you figure out your next steps…


Tell him how you feel!

We are strong, independent, and forward-thinking women. We should NEVER be afraid to tell a man who we really feel about him. Whether he is in love with you or not, you should let him know how you feel once you are sure about them. He deserves to know, just like you would deserve to know if he felt the same way.

Try to make him feel comfortable sharing his feelings.

Your man may not feel comfortable sharing how he feels. And this may not even be your fault. Like I mentioned above, there are so many possible reasons why he may not share. Do your best not to be pushy when talking to your man about his feelings. If he doesn’t want to share. don’t force him to. Trust me, this approach will get him talking faster than being pushy will. Newsflash babe, Men don’t like pressure.

Also (which we may not want to accept, but it could very well be true), he may not have any feeling to share. Its the ugly truth. He may not feel the same way. We must be confident enough in ourselves to realize that this does not mean that there is anything wrong with you. If you give it time, whatever you are comfortable giving, and he still feels nothing, then he is just not your person.

Be honest with yourself.

Ask yourself – Do you really love this man? What about him is so amazing? Make a pros and cons list. Do anything that you feel you need to to decipher rather or not he is the amazing person that you believe him to be. If he is, ask yourself what your definition of love is. We all have a different definition.  Are your feelings uncontrollable (which usually is strong infatuation and lust) or are your feelings chosen? Really take time to think about your feelings for him. Being completely honest with yourself will help you decide what to do next.

Realize that you cannot control him or his feelings.

He feels the way he feels. Period. We cannot change that. No matter how great we think we are or how undeniably gorgeous we may be, he will continue to develop feelings for you on his own timeline. We can’t MAKE a man love us. And we shouldn’t want to. We want a man to love us because that is his undeniable feeling for us, not to just say it to us to make us happy. I’ve tried to control this type of situation. It was a bloodbath, to say the least. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but you get the point. He’s long-gone. You can’t control this. So stop trying babe.

Don’t rush him.

The LAST thing that you want to do in this situation is rush a man into a commitment or to tell you that he loves you. We all should know by now that that will do nothing but push him away. That is the opposite of what we want. You might even consider refraining from telling him that you love him too often. This could make him feel bad that he doesn’t say it back, or put pressure on him to return the phrase without truly meaning it. And who wants a man to say “I love you” and not mean it? Not me. Not ever.

Remember that all things happen when they should and for good reason.

He may not even be your person. You never know. This man who you are deeply in love with may not be what or who you need in your life. Give it time. See what lies beneath his unwillingness to share himself and his feelings with you. Pay attention to how he reacts to your actions of affection and love.

If it is meant to be it will be. Don’t rush it. Don’t push it. Just let it flow. Trust me. Its better that way.

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Maya is the founder of FabFineandFree.com and Fab Fine & Free GLAM Services. She is a mother, pizza-eater and a lover of life. She currently resides in St. Louis, MO.

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