Okay, so I really want to address an issue that I’ve dealt with for so long and I know women like me have dealt with this too: Self Doubt!!! I can’t even say that this is something I’ve overcome or something that I have moved on from. I still doubt myself from time to time. But, recently, I have developed some ways to turn my self-doubt into self-motivation.
Doubting yourself is a feeling that can control you. We doubt ourselves a lot, about anything imaginable: whether or not we can find love, whether or not we are WORTH being loved, whether or not we can lose or gain weight, whether or not we are beautiful or smart enough. I mean, really. The list can go on and on and on. Personally, in the past, I’ve doubted myself when it comes to losing weight, gaining confidence, feeling good enough, and just being over all worth it.
I’ve had my bouts with very low self-esteem. I have had times when I felt so worthless, so insecure, so unattractive, and so uncomfortable in my skin that I stayed in the house for extended periods of time from fear of others judging me the way that I was judging myself. I felt small, insignificant, and like I was NEVER going to be able to move forward from the space that I was in in that moment. I would lay in my bed or, when my daughter was around, go in my closet, and I would cry so hard and for so long, until I couldn’t squeeze out another tear.
When I failed to meet a goal, or when I worked so hard for a position and didn’t get it, or when I tried my best to eat healthy then screw up big time, I would really beat myself up about it! I would stay in that negative place for a long time and pretty much tell myself that I can’t do it, whatever “it” may have been. I would say, “Well, I just ate something bad and f*cked up my diet, might as well eat everything in the fridge.” And, of course, this mindset made me even more depressed, sad, and discouraged.
Then one day I realized that I was doing this to myself. Yes, I was doing great on my healthy eating lifestyle, then the second I messed up, I felt like it gave me permission to eat EVERYTHING! Big Mistake. If I didn’t hit a goal I set for myself, I would settle into that frustration for weeks, all the while wasting valuable time that I could’ve continued working toward that goal. I realized that I was doing this to myself! I was well capable of reaching my goals. I was well capable to doing what I said I would do. I had to stop doubting myself and letting my setbacks turn into huge failures.
Okay, I know you may be thinking: that is wayyyyy easier said than done. I get it. It definitely is! But it is SO doable. I’ve done it. You have to actively talk to yourself and tell yourself that you CAN do whatever it is that you feel defeats you. Sometimes, it is that easy. But you have to make the commitment to yourself to continue the positive self-talk, make the commitment to yourself to prove to yourself that you ARE worth it! Tell yourself every day that you are beautiful, special and wonderfully made; there is not one person on this Earth that is exactly like you! You have a purpose, you have a right to be happy, and the only person that can get you to that happiness is YOU!
We are human. So, it is natural for us to doubt ourselves. Sometimes the doubt is necessary to remain safe or secure. If you are dating a new guy and some of his actions cause you to doubt if he will keep you safe, baby girl RUN!!!! Or, doubt can lead you to your true purpose and path in life. For example, if you are in the third round of interviews for an amazing job opportunity, but you know you are only in it for the money and doubt that you will be fulfilled going to work every day. Listen to that doubt. Trust that voice that tells you to go the other way.
But, when doubt comes to steal our joy, rob us of our happiness, and convince us that we are not the strong af bad assess that our mothers taught us to be, it’s time to re-evaluate and put that self-doubt to shame.
From a woman who has allowed self-doubt and lack of confidence to defeat her in the past, take my word when I say it CAN and WILL get better. You just have to love yourself enough to make the change. Easier said than done, I’m aware. But just taking the time out to read this, you are off to a great start mama.