Single Girl Chronicles: Finding Yourself in Singledom

I don’t care what anyone says. I don’t care how old you are, what your body looks like, how many people you’ve been with, how many of your friends are getting engaged and/or are married…

BEING. SINGLE. IS. AMAZING. OKAY???

Being single is one of the best times for a woman. This is our time to find ourselves. Cliché, right? I know lol. But it really is! This is the time we have that is all about us (unless you have children, but still, your personal life and time is all about you). Our bouts in Singledom, which I like to call it because it is definitely a place/kingdom, are absolutely necessary to figuring ourselves out and finding out who we really are.

When we have a partner in our lives, we tend to cater to them, and there is nothing wrong with that. As women, some of us have the tendency, and maybe even the need to care for another human-being. And in return, that person cares for us. But, let’s be honest, we get a real kick out of being there for them. We love to be under them, to cook for them, to spend countless nights together, to make sure their needs are met. And unfortunately, sometimes that means our needs are not being met. Not by our partner, but by us.

If we never experience being single, we can’t even really know what we need from our partner. We can’t really know the best way that they can love us, or the best way to love them. We have to take care of ourselves first. We have to know what we love, what we dislike, what we enjoy, what we hate with a passion, what makes us laugh, what makes us want to throw the towel in. We have to get to know us before we let someone else in.

Everyone says this, but how exactly do you “find yourself,” right? I’ve searched the internet for articles and postings about exactly HOW to do this, and never found what I was looking for that had ME in mind. So I figured I’d put my own list together of things that I have done and lessons I’ve learned in my 5 year stay in Singledom. And may I say, it’s been a hell of a stay!

  1. Take out the time to explore your passions!!!

Have you always dreamed of being a singer? Or a painter? Are you really good at trivia, or always wanted to work with animals, or always saw yourself instructing yoga? Whatever your passion is or has always been, this is the time to explore it. Take a class. Volunteer. Buy some canvases. Get in the studio.  And if you do not know what your passion is, figure it out! Try a bit of everything until it feels right! This passion will become “your thing” and it will become a part of who you are, rather than just a dream.

 

  1. Spend time meditating, praying, reading the Bible, etc. Whatever floats your boat girl.

Spirituality is important. Whether you are a religious person, or not, there is a way to connect more with your spirit and your purpose. Spending time nurturing our spirits is so important because it gives us a sense of purpose and completeness. We will come out knowing that we have a greater purpose on this earth and that our individualized paths are perfect just for us.

 

  1. Go out with friends. A lot.

Not only is it important to know who you are while alone, but to know who you are around others. This is crucial because if we do not have a sense of self around other people, then we are more likely to drop into who they are or what they are doing. So while you are figuring yourself out, spend time with friends. Go out on the town. Go on a trip! Enjoy this time with your friends and continue to discover what you like. Notice how they speak, treat people, make decisions, and carry on throughout life. Sometimes it’s the people we are closest to that help shape who we are. Their flaws may spark a change in you, or their victories may foster your motivation. Hey, you never know! Just focus on finding what feels right to YOU, and ONLY YOU! You don’t want to see THEM when you walk past the mirror. You want to see you.

 

  1. Go on dates. Sometimes with people you wouldn’t naturally gravitate towards.

We all have a list. Here goes mine: Tall af, fine as hell, nice body, preferably darker complexion, educated, intelligent, respectful, loves music, cares about his health, not too clingy, etc, etc… Shoot me. We all have one. So, sure! Go out with that guy! Maybe you will fall deeply in love and get married (don’t we all wish!). But go out with the TOTAL opposite of this guy too! Let me tell you why. Have you ever really went out with “the list” guy? He may be a complete asshole. Ijs. Give yourself a chance to explore the options. All people are different. How will we know what we like if we only date one type of person? Everyone will teach you something different and pull out a different side of you. Discover which side of you that you want exposed forever, and what kind of person exposes that in you. Then congratulations! You have a new list that’s worth upholding! And being over 6’5” may not make the cut, and that’s okay!

 

  1. Create your own thing.

Remember those passions I was talking about in #1? Put them to good use. Once you know what it is, take it past a hobby if you have the time. Create a small business. Write and record an album. REALLY make it a part of your life and maybe generate some income in the meantime. Put your talents to use and you may find along the way what you like and dislike about employment/professional related issues. You’ll discover how picky you are, or how much slack you can or cannot take. You may fall in love with making your own schedule and being your own boss. You never know.

 

  1. Get a pet. (If animals are your thing)

This is the best way to find out what you are made of, assuming you don’t have any children. Taking care of another living thing is a job. It will change you. Are you ready for the change? Do you EVER want this living thing to become a human person? Decide for yourself. Thank me later lol.

 

  1. Debating a career change? Spend time exploring different ones!

I know it may seem wrong to want a career in art after you spent 4 years reaching for a pre-med biology degree. But here’s how I see it. Everything we go through in life is for some purpose. Maybe you weren’t meant to be a doctor. Maybe you will be a world-renowned photographer that got that pre-med education because you are going to have the responsibility of saving a bus load of kids one day, and you wouldn’t be successful if you hadn’t gotten that degree. Life works in funny ways sometimes. Explore new careers! Try new things. Be who you want to be. Even if you can only be that person from 5:30-10:00 pm every night. We work 80% of our lives. Spend those days doing something you love, and it won’t feel like work at all.

 

  1. Journal. A lot.

Get your thoughts out of your head and onto paper! Or onto the computer! Just get out your most inner thoughts and read them aloud sometimes. It may be good for you to reflect on your life, past decisions and choices. This may bring clarity or new insight on who you are today compared to who you were then! Would you make the same choices today? Would you choose the same man today? Would you had majored in that subject, being who you are today? Grab your pen and journal 5 minute before bed every night and let the self-discovery begin!

 

  1. Set hard goals for yourself and crush them like a boss!

Set a goal and crush it! Why? First, for the simple knowledge that you can. You CAN aim to achieve something hard and get it done. These are always journeys. It won’t be easy. It’s not supposed to be. But you will feel so bad ass and confident that you can do ANYTHING you put your mind to. Make a commitment to yourself. If you can’t keep a commitment to yourself, how can you keep a commitment to someone else? Or expect them to keep a commitment to you? Think about it. You must know your worth and abilities first. So lose that 50 pounds! Train and crush that marathon! Set that $20,000/year in revenue goal for your start-up business! As much as you love shopping (I know the struggle), save that cash to go out of the country next summer like you’ve always wanted to! Set your goal. Then crush it.

 

  1. Spend most of your nights completely ALONE!

It’s hard to hear when there are people in your space. It’s hard to be yourself when there are so many personalities surrounding you. In order to figure yourself out, you need some time alone. A lot of time alone. Find something to do. Hell, check out our list here of things to do alone. It’ll be a start. Sometimes all you need is yourself and the space you are in to have the time of your life!

 

Here’s to us sipping margaritas and discovering

our true selves during our (short or life-long) stay in Singledom.

Sip wisely, and enjoy while you can.

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Maya is the founder of FabFineandFree.com and Fab Fine & Free GLAM Services. She is a mother, pizza-eater and a lover of life. She currently resides in St. Louis, MO.

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